That's how I feel sometimes. More and more at times. Sometimes I know there's nothing I can say to help the situation, so I keep quiet. But there are times I wonder if I say or do something, perhaps, just perhaps, it will make a difference. But then again, there's always the possibility that what I say or do will have an adverse impact. I have no idea. Relationships in life are fragile. Not everyone wants to know what you have to say. Some people just want to know that you are there, even if you say nothing at all. Some, already know what you have to say, but they have to figure it out themselves. Some struggles in life just aren't that easy to ... settle. Maybe that's why those unrealistic shows on TV are so popular, like those Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese drama series, because for many, life is painful enough already. Who wants to watch another sad, depressing, realistic portrayal in life?

Don't know why I wrote what I wrote. Wanted to write something else, actually.

Last Saturday, I witnessed one of the worst horrors that can happen to a family - a young motorcyclist was flung off his bike and got run over by a bus. I didn't witness the accident itself, but the aftermath. There I was, in the car, as I passed through the lifeless body lying on the road, I saw not just a body, but a young man, who was probably some proud mother or father's son, or a close friend to someone, or a boyfriend to some nice girl. And at the split second, all was crushed for them. I'm sure he had a story to tell. I wonder what's his story about? Was he rushing home to his parents? Was he returning from school/work? What did he do that day before the fateful accident? What was his dreams? Did he have any siblings? Did he like sports or movies? Had he ever thought about how he would die one day? Was he a Christian? Couldn't help but feeling deeply sorry for him and his family. Sudden death is probably one of the most difficult things to cope in life.

Later I found out that he was a 20 yr old NS man. Incidentally, the same day another died in a similar accident. A few days later I read that a total of 5 fatal accidents occurred in that short few days, and all of them involved motorcyclists. Couldn't help but wonder what were their stories?

I guess I was affected by this incident, because I started telling everyone about it for the next few days, as if by doing so it could make things.... better. I guess it was because I had quite a good look at this young man, accompanied by a pool of blood, and some ..... unidentified stuff. My friend who was in the car too, didn't really get a good look because of her position, and also because she was short sighted (she was quite thankful for that) didn't realise the impact until later when she started feeling sick and nauseous at home. It's one thing to see dead people on TV/screens, but it's a complete different thing to see death in its raw form, with no pretension, and in your face. Don't ask me why I looked (I didn't just look, but stared). You know how people always slow down when passing by an accident? I call it a morbid fascination with death and destruction. Most likely because we're unmistakenly, sinners. Once again, I couldn't help but think that we all need God so so badly.

That day, I thanked God that I was alive.

And then I spent the next 5 days working like a mad dog. What an irony. Alive but completely exhausted by the non-essential stuff in life. Although the mad rush is over, for now, I wonder when will the next phase start again. It's not supposed to be like this.