How do you get yourself going when you're under severe stress or extreme fatigue? Especially when it feels like you're going through a never-ending tunnel...
When I was much younger, I went for a run or marathon. I think it was some school activities. It was probably late primary school or early secondary school. For the record, I've never been all that fit and my stamina is .... pathetic. Anyway, there I was, halfway through, I was running and panting and gasping for air. Then I thought, "why don't I just quit and walk?" That'd be so much easier.. The temptation was great, but I just didn't want to. Suddenly this verse came to me:
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
Somehow I finished the race without knowing how I did it. If you know my town, you'd know it's a really small town and the run couldn't have been all that bad. As insignificant it may sound, that was one memory that always pops up whenever I think I can't go on any further.
The past 2 weeks have been quite a test of endurance on me. Actually for the past 1 month, it's been quite a challenge at work but I usually just take it in and endure it because I know it's my responsibility and it'll be over eventually. But the past 2 weeks was just a bit too much and even meditating on the verse didn't help much. Almost everyday I was working up to 9 - 11p. And quite a few days I was working past midnight or 1 a.m. It wasn't the first time I worked past midnight but usually not for consecutive days. And it won't be that bad if working hard can solve the problems, but me and my colleagues were just facing one problem after another. The most ridiculous problem was we always struggle to find transport to go to site at JB or doing some logistic arrangement. On top of that, we were having our client making some unreasonable request. As if it wasn't enough that we had to rack our brains to solve the technical problem. Working non-stop for more than 10 days was really driving me nuts and some day I just really wanted to cry. But of course I couldn't. There was no place to hide.
When I went home on Sunday night (actually Monday morning 1:30a.m.), I felt so miserable that I was crying out to God, begging Him to take away whatever problems I had. I thought perhaps I'm being punished for something I have or haven't done.
But God wasn't just going to take away the problems.... He was faithful though. The next day during Sunday service, He gave me enough encouragement to get me going through the sermon. It was about Amazing Grace. Grace is amazing because it's unmerited favour. The problem is very often we half believe in the Word and that Grace has lost its significance to many of us. That helped to take my mind off my problem and re-adjust my focus on Him.
The real test of endurance came on Monday when I and my colleagues had to do sterilisation of the loop for 2 systems with ozone. Since we could only start after 6p, by the time we were done with the sterilisation, it was like 5a.m. And by the time we re-start our systems and get everything running, it was after 8a.m.. Then we ran into a new problem! I really felt like I could collapse any time. It was the first time I worked for more than 24 hours without sleep. Ok, maybe there was a 20-30 min nap in between. That's when I wonder, how in the world do those doctors survive 24 hr shift in the hospital?? After that everything seems to be a blurr and I couldn't tell which day I was in.
Then came Tuesday's bible study. It was timely, although I could hardly keep my eyes opened by the end of the lesson. What really made an impression on me was the part about trials. The attitude towards trials should be... get this, "Joy!"
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4).
This verse never quite meant much to me, until it felt like I was going through trials. Although it was not like I was suffering for Christ or anything, but it just felt too overbearing.... It's easy to quote this verse but really quite another to actually try to carry it through when you're in it. How to be joyful when trouble comes???
The interesting thing was, somehow things felt more bearable after that. Knowing that there will most certainly be troubles in life and that shouldn't come as a surprise. And just about everyone is undergoing some kind of trials. Why should I be exempted? It's just like in every single project that I've handled, there're problems. Big and small. Always there'll be some kind of delay, mistakes somewhere, under-design and over-design issues, demanding clients, supplier can't fulfill the promise, internal conflicts, accidents (thankfully no fatal accident so far). Although each time it feels like it can't be any worse, there's bound to be some project down the line that feel like it's the worst. So what's new? Just take things one at a time and face it squarely (although I always feel like I'm banging my head on a wall each time)... Quit now and you'll lose out on the blessings that God promise or the lessons that He's planned for you. If you overcome it, you'll come out stronger, strengthened faith, and sometimes gaining a new understanding of God, or yourself for that matter.
Anyway, to conclude my story, my problems didn't go away, yet. But thankfully it's settled for the time being. And we have some time before we tackle another problem...
