Just want to wish you all a very wonderful Christmas. May you spend this special time of the year with your loved ones and may Christ be the reason for your celebration!

I think this is the first time that I didn't write any Christmas cards ever since I started writing Christmas cards. Feels kind of odd. It's good in a way. Now no one will suffer from reading my awful handwriting... It's bad in the sense that I don't get to practise writing. Hahaha... Getting so used to typing on computer that I've gotten from bad to worse in writing with a pen.

The weather's turned so warm that it feels like fall. From -3C to 13C. Quite a drastic change, I must say. Well, I guess I won't be seeing any snow this time.. I was fortunate to catch a few sunny days for the first few days but now that the weather's turning into the infamous drizzling gloomy days, it's starting to bring out a constant craving to sleep in me... I think it's safe to say that I'd rather not come back during the winter time. It's just pouring and pouring and pouring....

It feels strange coming back and not seeing grandma and providing her my annual services - cutting nails for her, listening to her fascinating stories and her wonderful singing of songs she learned when she was a kid (all verses memorised) and taking pictures of her. She really does put me to shame. I can't remember lyrics for nuts... not even familiar hymns...

Technically it's the 3rd day of my holiday but oh well....

I feel more and more like a stranger each time I return home. Really, where is home? I spend an average of 2-3 weeks here every year. Although I consider Canada my home, but it becomes harder and harder to explain to people and the sense of belonging becomes more and blurred and confusing. And my country considers me as a non-resident and therefore I'm treated like a visitor... The custom officer asked, "so where did you come from? I answered, "Singapore." He asked, "So what were you doing there?" I said, "I work there." He then asked, "so what're you doing here?" I was stunned, "I'm... coming home, to visit." He said, "so you're just visiting". Hmmm....
I guess I take comfort in knowing that the home on earth is just temporary so it doesn't matter if I feel like I don't really belong anywhere... Still, it's not easy to stop the feeling of loneliness. It feels as though I'm always travelling on my own. Had the inexplicable feeling of .... solitary as I said bye to j at the airport. "Here I go again..."

But I thank God for He knows all things, so he gave me the ability to endure long trips - the ability to sleep... I think I only watched 2 or 3 movies and the rest of the time sleeping. That's like 6 hrs of movies out of 17 hours of travelling, which is not bad. Met these 2 (or 3) families from Singapore. They were going on a skiing trip to Canada, and there were like more than 10 of them. I was like, gee, rich families. At first, one of boys was sitting next to me, and was really getting on my nerves. Kept bugging his dad to switch seat with his cousin and moving in and out of his seat (sometimes climbing OVER me) and making so much noise!! I was so relieved when his little cousin, Claire switched seat with him, and she was this cute little thing who didn't say much. Unfortunately the kids switched seats again, and her other cousin sat beside me after the transit in Seoul. She was probably one of the most studious passengers I've ever met. Kept reading the Henry IV almost the whole of her waking time, making notes and all that. I was like, "what school do you go to?. "St. Nicholas." Not that it means anything to me, because I don't know nuts about the school, but I guess it should be a good school...

Boring stuff, eh? Time seems to have slowed down here. But I tell you, it's a really a good place to sleep. I just love sleeping and can go on and on.. All I want to do, is have some sleep. hahahaha.....

It's so cold.... I've forgotten how cold it can get. It's like -1C when I got home today. This year seems a lot colder... or is it because I haven't been home for Christmas all these years... I need more socks..

最近真是累死我了。

I think I'm habitually torturing myself. This is not good. Maybe I'm too used to having my friends to nag me to sleep or to eat or to exercise. When they're not around, I'm a little ..... lost.

What's keeping me going now is the thought of going home to hibernate and sleep starting next week, and also to work hard now so that I can have a peace of mind during my holiday...

Sometimes my brain goes into overdrive and it robs me of my usual deep sleep. I can feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness. Side effect of fatigue and overwork, I guess, even though I can probably compete in the category of the ability to sleep under any cicumstances....

This isn't really what I wanted to write actually, but nevermind. I've lost my thoughts.

Althought it's been many weeks since I last wrote, it feels as if I've been writing everyday. Each day I have some amusing or interesting thoughts (to me, that is) that I think are worthwhile to keep a record, but by the time I actually have time to settle down my thoughts, my mind is in a blank. This makes me think of my brother when he's in his shut down mode. I'm like that sometimes. No matter how hard I try, things will just pass me by and my response will slow down by ten fold. Still, I'd imagine how I'd blog about my thoughts and imagine how they'd become part of someone's memory of me.

But then, maybe no one really understands or knows me, since I don't really know myself all that well. To make someone understand something, you'll have to have that understanding, right? Or at the very least, you'll have to know what is that something, right?

Now, where is that something that I wanted to write about....