Realised I don't write as much these days. It's probably because:
1) When I have the time, I don't feel like writing
2) When I feel like writing, I'm too busy or too tired
3) I have nothing to say or I want to say too much
4) I feel like sleeping everytime I'm about to write something, or that I shouldn't waste my time on blogging when I don't even spend the same time talking to God or reading His word.
5) I'd start writing nonsense when I start anyway....
6) I forgot what I wanted to say...
Keep having the urge to sigh these days. It's a bad habit. Have to consciously stop myself from doing that as depression will kick in if I'm not careful enough. Was caught off guard when bro asked if I was going into depression again.
Wrote a whole bunch of stuff... but I guess I'll just let it go.
Monday, March 14, 2005
It's been a while...
Indeed... what a crazy 1 month it has been. It feels as if I have been cut off from the rest of the world, almost. Especially the past 2 weeks, the little so called "free time" I had, I had to spend it on downloading mail for work. Think I'm prone to be a workaholic. Sometimes I think I can keep working until I burst, but sometimes I feel like giving up as I don't see the point of carrying on.
For those who are remotely interested, I was away for a few days in Malaysia for my grandma's memorial service with my dad and aunt. A few days after I got back, I went to Vietnam for a work assignment. Was stuck there for almost 2 weeks. Quite an exhausting trip.
Where do I even begin? After I stopped blogging due to various reason, I felt as if I was slowly losing the ability to communicate. Yet there is so much more I want to express that I feel like screaming. Verbally though, as many friends who may notice by now, I'm quite handicapped. J calls it "verbal constipation".
Often wonder if there will come a time when you can record your thoughts instantly. Some sort of polaroid thoughts camera. Constant fear of forgetting what makes me laugh, happy, cry and yes, even painful memory. Can you imagine? A life with no memory? That's worse than dying, I think.
It's been a month since grandma went to her permanent home. It may be good and bad that I have been completely swamped by work. It has temporarily stopped me from missing her too much. Sometimes though, the thought of her come to me at the most ... unexpected time. Like lunch time when I'm queing for food, when my brain is idle, or when I'm alone and my brain is too active and starts wandering...
I am very very glad that I decided to try my best to get a few days off work so I could attend grandma's memorial service. I was almost convinced that it was impossible as there was a big project going on (still is, actually). Dad said it was ok for me not to go, but I sensed that he really wanted me to go. I could hear it in mom's voice too. Eventually I decided that it would be the right choice, and I should spend time with him and it would also be a rare opportunity whereby I can meet and catch up with my relatives. I met many cousins/nephews/nieces/uncles/aunts that I've not seen before. Even had a chance to take a peak at my primary/secondary school and even met an old friend and ate some local delicacies. That was quite cool. Sometimes a little extra effort can make a big difference. It's good to have friends at times like this when they'll question you and make you wonder, is it really impossible or have I not tried hard enough?
I won't forget the precious time that I had with dad and my aunt on the way to the airport at JB. Found our more about grandma in that journey; some were amazing, some were funny while some were sad. I could hear the pride in my aunt's voice as she talked about grandma's life. She really was a cool lady. I remember crying silently in the taxi and at the airport. Looking through the photos that Aunt brought, I tried to imagine what was it like to be there at the funeral and the cremation process. Never attended a funeral in Vancouver before, I think. It is quite different from what they have here. An interesting experience neverthless, the memorial service/funeral in Malaysia. Colour coded and all. Maybe I'll write about it in more details later.
That's enough for today.
For those who are remotely interested, I was away for a few days in Malaysia for my grandma's memorial service with my dad and aunt. A few days after I got back, I went to Vietnam for a work assignment. Was stuck there for almost 2 weeks. Quite an exhausting trip.
Where do I even begin? After I stopped blogging due to various reason, I felt as if I was slowly losing the ability to communicate. Yet there is so much more I want to express that I feel like screaming. Verbally though, as many friends who may notice by now, I'm quite handicapped. J calls it "verbal constipation".
Often wonder if there will come a time when you can record your thoughts instantly. Some sort of polaroid thoughts camera. Constant fear of forgetting what makes me laugh, happy, cry and yes, even painful memory. Can you imagine? A life with no memory? That's worse than dying, I think.
It's been a month since grandma went to her permanent home. It may be good and bad that I have been completely swamped by work. It has temporarily stopped me from missing her too much. Sometimes though, the thought of her come to me at the most ... unexpected time. Like lunch time when I'm queing for food, when my brain is idle, or when I'm alone and my brain is too active and starts wandering...
I am very very glad that I decided to try my best to get a few days off work so I could attend grandma's memorial service. I was almost convinced that it was impossible as there was a big project going on (still is, actually). Dad said it was ok for me not to go, but I sensed that he really wanted me to go. I could hear it in mom's voice too. Eventually I decided that it would be the right choice, and I should spend time with him and it would also be a rare opportunity whereby I can meet and catch up with my relatives. I met many cousins/nephews/nieces/uncles/aunts that I've not seen before. Even had a chance to take a peak at my primary/secondary school and even met an old friend and ate some local delicacies. That was quite cool. Sometimes a little extra effort can make a big difference. It's good to have friends at times like this when they'll question you and make you wonder, is it really impossible or have I not tried hard enough?
I won't forget the precious time that I had with dad and my aunt on the way to the airport at JB. Found our more about grandma in that journey; some were amazing, some were funny while some were sad. I could hear the pride in my aunt's voice as she talked about grandma's life. She really was a cool lady. I remember crying silently in the taxi and at the airport. Looking through the photos that Aunt brought, I tried to imagine what was it like to be there at the funeral and the cremation process. Never attended a funeral in Vancouver before, I think. It is quite different from what they have here. An interesting experience neverthless, the memorial service/funeral in Malaysia. Colour coded and all. Maybe I'll write about it in more details later.
That's enough for today.
posted by scatterbrain at 3/14/2005 10:41:00 p.m.
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