A week has passed since I last wrote. Such a pity. I have much to write about and yet there's no time. It's been a rather crazy week at work, and I expect more of such to come.. Sigh. And it doesn't help that there's this growing suspicion that my computer at home is slowly reaching the end of its life. It seems to be huffing and puffing to load even simple pages... Bad bad sign.... Come to think of it, it has served me ... relatively well. It's almost as old as the time that I've spent here in this part of the world. Some of the components, at least.

Received a package today that put smiles on my face. A fellow cheeregoer has been kind enough to get me a copy of Cheer's latest single "After 17" in HK. Was pleasantly surprised to find that she's put some journal entries from when she was 17. Rather unique.



Someone has translated the lyrics:

After 17 (English Translation) – released on 31/12/2004

Step by step I walked past my yesterday’s childishness
My childishness gave me courage
Everyday and everyday new toys are being sold via the tv
My toy is my secret
From that day onwards
I have made a decision
Not to accept anyone’s invitation easily
From that day onwards
Listen to my reasoning
When I am after 17

Step by step I walked past my yesterday’s childishness
Childishness protect my body
Everyday and everyday new toys are being sold via the tv
My toy is myself
From that day onwards
I have made a decision
From that day onwards
Not to be mindful of other’s denials
From that day onwards
Listen to my reasoning
When I am after 17
When I am after 17

Taken from Yahoo! Groups: cheeregoers

Sometimes it feels like I don't have memory of yesterday. Had some problems trying to remember bits and pieces of My 17. What did happen when I was 17? Hmm.... Jan 5, 1992 - the night when I first set foot in that beautiful land called Canada. I remember wearing my thick white jacket for the first time, breathing in the cold air that seemed to cut right down to my lung. Later on I found out that Vancouver is considered to have very mild winter compared to the rest of Canada, and I started to doubt if I could survive the many winters to come. I remember it took what I felt like eternity to get out of the custom and out of the airport. Exhausted from the more-than-24 hrs flight, I almost died when our relatives took us to Uncle Willy's for a late dinner/supper. Food was the last thing on my mind really, but luckily I was distracted by meeting some of my cousins/nieces/nephews/uncles/aunties that I have either never met before or I have met them briefly during my almost-forgotten-childhood. The fact that I've travelled so many hundreds/thousands of kilometers and still able to meet an interesting group of people called "family" was, strangely heartwarming.

First subzero winter,
First day in high school, when I realised I didn't have to wear uniforms,
First locker partner, who seemed so aloof initially that it took a while for her to warm up to me, but a really cool friend and I just love her chinese name,
First time I felt maybe there's too much freedom,
First experience with skytrain and buses that didn't run on gas,
First stroll at Stanley Park and going oohs and aahs at the view (Ok, that probably didn't happen at 17),
First touch of snow and the shocking feeling of how weightless snow was,
First trip to Canaan Church where it was a lot smaller than I thought,
First encounter with a denomination that I had never heard of - FDA,
First family car, a 2nd hand Toyota Corolla
First visit to the largest shopping centre I've ever been to (it has expanded even more now) and found out why they called superstore Superstore,
First Physics class and thereafter I started to worry about whether I'd get into university,
First visit to Chinatown,
First savings account,
First time I realised why Vancouverites love the sun and summer time - it's the only time they get to play in the sun since there's this nagging drizzles and gloomy sky that fills the city throughout the most part of the year except during summer,
First time I realised I was such a baby in my spiritual life, and that there is a lot more to living a Christian life than just going to church and reading the bible,
First time it dawned on me that I was no longer a child and adulthood awaited me.

My 17..... I'm glad my memory is still intact for this part of my life. No guarantee for anything after that.

What was your 17 about?

Nothing much to blog about lately.... Not sure if it's because my brain is slowing down or something is clogging up my mind. Maybe the brain cells are degenerating.

Found that I've been doing my laundry almost always very late at night. Subsequently it became my excuse for staying up late as I would habitually continue to linger on. Too late for my own good. Love the smell of fresh clean laundry though. My favourite is the kind that is sun-dried, although I don't usually get it. Anyway, dry laundry is good enough for me. It reminds me of my experience a few years back when I would always ask my housemate if my laundry is considered dried because I can never quite figure out or decide if they are truly dry. And she'd frequently exclaim, "Aiyah! Of course it's dry! Even people are dried under such weather, let alone clothes!" (in cantonese). She's now happily married with a baby girl.... Those days when my room was a loud pink.... and the living room was bright yellow with dull green sofa....and the kitchen was screaming red.... and all the doors were blinding blue... Don't ask me how I survived 2 years there.... Think after that "exciting" experience, I would no longer be surprised by any colour combination. Maybe I've become colour blind...



I know what you're thinking, "What a mess!?" Sorry to say that my present room is in an even worse condition. But if your reaction is, "The colour looks alright...What's wrong?". Wait till you see the living room, man....

Just want to say a little bit more about the musical. Overall I found the acting better than what I expected. Needless to say, Cheer's portrayal of the blind girl was perfect, IMHO. Not only did she captured the essence and look of the blind girl in Jimmy's book, but also the vulnerability and fragility as well as the persistence and courage. I was a little worried that she was going to trip and fall over the platform (there was one scene at the beginning where she nearly tripped - I think that was real because her voice kind of faltered a lil). I guess it was quite tedious to see the surrounding clearly in sunglasses).

Usually the actions/expressions you see in plays/musicals are a lot more obvious/emphasized compared to say movies because it's difficult for the audience to see, I guess. But for Cheer, she was able to express herself in a quiet manner yet significant, which I believe came from her body language/movement and her voice, and not so much from her facial expression. Quite amazing, I thought. Maybe it's just me. =) It makes me wonder what kind of person is she. Some of the stuff that she wrote are rather intriguing.

Whereas the lady who portrayed the toy soldier/penguin provided comical relief and was probably the most memorable character next to the blind girl. Oh, and who can forget the cute inflated elephants! I was most impressed by the props and backdrop (how did they change the backdrop? Just by projector?? Cool), and the costume as well.

Hmm... think this is actually my first musical. Was always too broke to watch any musical when I was a student.

One last thing, my favourite song from the musical; love the lyrics, which was penned by Cheer herself. Fell in love with it the first time I heard it.

在空盪的廣場﹐ 在空盪的海洋﹐
我學會了退後的飛翔﹐退後在熟睡的夢鄉。
時間來了﹐ 一個人走在一分鐘的漫長﹐
沉默來了﹐ 一個人偷走了一分鐘的光。
在空盪的廣場﹐ 在空盪的海洋﹐
我學會了退後的飛翔﹐退後在熟睡的夢鄉﹐
在深夜的廣場﹐ 在嘆息的海洋﹐
誰代替我撫摸柔軟的海浪﹐ 代替我遺失的雙手啊。

Am going to attemp to write about the play/musical "Sound of Colours", although I'm not very sure what I'm going to write. Still trying to remember the scenes from the musical. A few friends have asked me how was the musical, and whether it was what I have hoped for and more.. With my limited capacity brain, I need to do a bit more thinking/digestion before I can answer that honestly.

To be honest, I didn't (and still don't) understand most parts of the musical. I mean, I understood the dialogue and all that but I wasn't very sure what the director wanted to convey for some of the parts. The most of it was quite surreal and "deep" if you know what I mean. Some may feel that the most of the singing wasn't fantastic but I appreciate their effort and sincerity. I guess it's really not easy to sing and dance and remember all the dialogues and worry about changing costumes at the same time! Anyway, none of it impaired my ability to enjoy the musical. Afterall, my main reason of catching the musical is because of Cheer. Haha... The other plus was the music arrangement and the piano playing/sound, which I enjoyed.
First and foremost though, the one thing that I was looking forward to was Cheer's voice, and I wasn't disappointed. I was almost relieved when her voice first broke through the air - it was reassuring to hear the same crystal clear voice that I knew. Her voice cut through the theatre like a breeze of cool fresh air on a hot summer day, awakening those asleep. I particularly liked the last part where she sang solo without accompaniment and there was absolute silence except her voice, filling the entire space. Today I was thinking to myself, why is it that we're drawn to voice of certain people? How can I explain this, it's like most of us would probably have a favourite singer or two whereby their songs/voices just impress us so much that we decided he/she shall be my favourite singer and that would be the benchmark. It's a conscious decision, I guess. After a while, it becomes a habbit and after a little more, it becomes part of your life.

Anyway, I don't know how I got into that discussion. I guess there're a lot of underlying themes/messages in the musical. It's about many things - the fusion between reality and imagination, when does reality end and when does fantasy begin and vise versa? Are we ever sure of our memory? It's about how a blind girl deals with the harsh reality of the death of her father and the abandonment by her mother either physically or mentally, and becoming blind. Along the way, she takes the subway and journeys through life, whilst meeting different characters/people including an angel, a mysterious man in black, a lonely poet, a lost girl name Alice, a toy soldier who's been forgotten by its owner, etc. As she accepts the invitation to this amazing party where miracles are promised to happen, she searches for hope and yearns for the impossible. Somewhere down the line, the line dividing between fairy tale and reality becomes blurred. Where does fiction end and where does reality being? Sometimes the imagination becomes part of the memory and memory becomes fiction. For me, I see the subway taking on the form of various issues in life - the memory that life shapes, the imagination and fantasy that life evokes, the inevitable confusion that occurs in life, the longing and desire of life we cling on to, the natural inclination towards the search for escape from reality, and eventually we're faced with the decision of whether we want to take on the courage to live and to live life without regrets. So what happens in life? You ask questions, but you don't always get the answers you want. You make certain decisions in life but you have to bear the consequences, positive or negative, regardless of whether your decision is right or wrong.

在這個城市里﹐ 我不斷地迷路。
不斷地坐錯車﹐ 並一再坐錯車。

其實﹐ 我那裡都不想去。
然而﹐ 會有人在地下鐵的出口等我嗎﹖
他會為我撐傘﹐ 緊握著我的手﹐ 告訴我星星的方向﹐ 陪我走一段路。

Doesn't this picture remind you of the movie spiderman? It does for me anyway.

Always have the urge to look up when I'm in a building with high ceiling or when I'm walking in a open field. Love taking pictures of the things above me. Although I can't reach it, I can at least freeze the moment temporarily. Looking up gives me a sense of hope in this hopeless world. It reminds me that things are not that bad afterall. The sky is not falling, yet.

I still remember that night at Tofino before my cousin's wedding (one of the most memorable wedding I have ever attended I must say), as I looked up the sky and oh my, I was absolutely blown away by the starry sky. Never have I seen so many stars in the sky. I probably would've slept outside the villa under the sky if it wasn't so cold. I attempted to take a picture, but it was too dark so.... Yet I'm thankful that I had the priviledge to enjoy that precious moment.

Finally, the long awaited musical is here this weekend. Something to look forward to!! So happy. =)



One of my favourite photos.

Hope to be able to meet 陳老師 in person and tell her how much I enjoy her music. But I guess I'll probably end up not doing anything cos I won't know what to say if I actually meet her in real life. Sometimes I wonder what would be my reaction if that happens. What would I say to her? Would I be able to chat with her like a long lost friend? Would we be able to talk about the last movie we saw, or the last book we read, or the songs that's touched us, or the really cool food we ate somewhere? Would we be able to understand each other? I'm sure she farts somtimes, just like everyone else.... Or would my mind just turn into lots of blank space? Why do we feel the need to identify with or relate to others?

Sometimes when you think too highly of someone, you will behave strangely in front of that person. Hmmmm...

Maybe I shouldn't be dreaming too much.... but oh, it looks so good...




Thoughts are running wild...... I can't control myself...... Help.

最近腦袋
總是一片空白
不知為何
想來想去
還是想不透
不知在想什麼
誰可以告訴我
我到底在想什麼?

我放棄。

For those who didn't get to see my pretty toe.... This one's for you. Heh.

Before the night ended, I was very inspired and thought I would write something..... smart....something that proves that I'm not an idiot.... But nay..... after doing absolutely nothing productive and wasting my time online, I have come to the un-inspired state of mind... Actually, it's just extreme tiredness..... I've gone from not-so-bright to being stupid..... Stupid enough to not go to bed even though my eyes are perpetually wanting to close..... Stupid enough to not stop even when I am beyond tiredness....

And now I've got an injured toe to take care of. Hmmm.... what's a good description....... I know... A clumsy idiot!

Good nite, Barney.

Guess what's his name? 小白, duh. Ok, maybe it is Snow. Or is it Snowy? I know, I know, he's kinda not very well groomed but he's a good dog.... Anyway, my aunt and uncle just have to have dogs in their house..... Let me see, Friskie was the first dog (my cousin likes to call all dogs Friskies), followed by another dog, then Zach, then they were babysitting someone's dog for a while. His name was Asa (try saying it Chinese style), a Lassie, I'm sorry, I meant a Collie. And there was that cat Psycho! Talk about psychotic cat.... Come to think of it, where is that cat??? I should have his picture somewhere.... Then they were babysitting my cousin's dog for a while, Joey. And now 小白

You know what's the worst kind of anxiety? It's when you know there're something very important to be done and you don't know what to do. The feeling of helplessness can be sickening. It's worst when it concerns life and death.... I guess I was just feeling too much. Decided to stop watching and reading the news for a while.
Thanks to the precious phone call that saved me from sinking deeper, I'm glad I managed to talk things through with friends. The comfort that their presence and encouragement bring is..... invaluable. I'll do what I can, with what I have, and I leave the rest to the Big Guy up there.

Either that or it was just an odd case of food poisoning. *shrug*

7. Improve my posture (I met my friend's patient and heard that she had to go through an operation because of bad posture.... That freaked me out...)
8. Exercise regularly, at least once a week
9. Clean up my resume and find a new job
10. To find organisation in the midst of disorganisation - I've given up putting down "clean my room" as one of my new year's resolutions, because it's never been realised. So this may be a better idea...

Hmmm.... looks like a pretty extensive list. Think I'm being too ambitious again.... Oh well, what the heck...

This past year has been incredible. Looking back at 2004, it has really been a growing/learning experience for me. This is one year that I actually remembered most of the major things that happened. There were times when I fell and times when I soared; there were times when I cried and times when I laughed; there were times when I was in agony and pain, and times when I was elated; there were times when I felt rejected and times when I felt so loved; there were times when I felt misunderstood and times when I couldn't have asked for a better chemistry, and many more...

A passage came to my mind and I've decided it will be my theme passage this year:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

The entire chapter (actually the entire book) describes the world today perfectly, but I guess I won't type them all out.

Anyway, coming to the original purpose of this post, that is, to pen down my new year's resolutions, before I forget them completely:
1. Be diligent in studying the word of God (I say this every year and yet every year I feel like I haven't done quite enough).
2. Read the bible everyday no matter how late it is or how tired I am. At least one chapter.
3. Spend my money wisely, and that I'll stick to the budget planning I've made for myself. I shall NEVER again, spend more than what I earn....unless it's an exceptional situation.
4. Be more sensitive to the needs of those around me, especially close friends and family, and be less of a clutz.
5. Be more bold and less blue.
6. And finally, to find a good Christian boy. Hahahahah....

Can't think of anything bright to add anymore.... Time to recharge my battery...

Year 2005 has finally come. Keep thinking if I'm ready or not but then I realised it doesn't matter. Whether you're ready or not, today will still become yesterday. Time will not wait for you whether you're ready or not, old or young, rich or poor, male or female, strong or weak. Much like that fateful tidal waves tragedy last Sunday. Tears continue to be shed as more lives are claimed.
Went to a wake service for a sister in church who was killed in Phuket when the tidal waves hit. Never like going to funerals or wake services, simply because I never quite know what to say to the family members. Even though I didn't know her personally, and her face looked unfamiliar, still, I shared the sorrow of her friends and family as they are still trying to come to terms with the loss of their beloved wife/mother/sis in law/aunt/friend. What do you say to someone who has lost their loved ones so suddenly? What words of comfort can you possibly offer to make them feel less painful? The only comfort the family has is that they know she is in good hands and that this is only a temporary separation. Still, we human beings naturally feel a deep sense of sorrow when someone so dear to you is no longer around physically. Coping with that reality for the next 10, 20, 30 years is the tough part.
Couldn't help but thinking, as I watched her sister in law delivered the eulogy in tears, how would I cope if it happens to me. Yes, it could've happened to anyone. Life is fair. God is fair.